I am the Worst

It's official ... I am the worst lawn bowler in the world.  Maybe the worst in the entire universe as I am assuming higher minded being living in another solar system have better things to do with their time than chuck a wobbly ball across the lawn.

Last night was the annual twilight lawn bowls night for the department I worked for in another life. I was delighted they invited me back and I was a little flattered that they still remembered me. I missed their true motive: they needed someone to come last.

I'm not a complete novice at lawn bowls and after last year's dismal effort I was determined this year I was going to impress everybody. To tell you the truth, I fancied myself a little. I was sure that a sport where you didn't have to put your beer down when it was your turn was something I was going to be good at. Alas, I was wrong.  

We played in teams of four people, so I could try and say it was the team that lost. The organisers were wise to this and the teams were rearranged a few time. Every team I was in lost.  I'm taking this very personally.  

I think it's time to retire gracefully from the sport. I have never worked out which way the wobbly ball should turn and I can't face the indignity any more of being asked “What are you aiming at?”. I shall concentrate on a sport I can excel at.  I am much better at heckling from the sidelines.

"There's nothing wrong with saying hard luck!
Just learn to do it without the snigger.