18 March, 2010

I am the Worst

It's official ... I am the worst lawn bowler in the world.  Maybe the worst in the entire universe as I am assuming higher minded being living in another solar system have better things to do with their time than chuck a wobbly ball across the lawn.

Last night was the annual twilight lawn bowls night for the department I worked for in another life. I was delighted they invited me back and I was a little flattered that they still remembered me. I missed their true motive: they needed someone to come last.

I'm not a complete novice at lawn bowls and after last year's dismal effort I was determined this year I was going to impress everybody. To tell you the truth, I fancied myself a little. I was sure that a sport where you didn't have to put your beer down when it was your turn was something I was going to be good at. Alas, I was wrong.  

We played in teams of four people, so I could try and say it was the team that lost. The organisers were wise to this and the teams were rearranged a few time. Every team I was in lost.  I'm taking this very personally.  

I think it's time to retire gracefully from the sport. I have never worked out which way the wobbly ball should turn and I can't face the indignity any more of being asked “What are you aiming at?”. I shall concentrate on a sport I can excel at.  I am much better at heckling from the sidelines.

"There's nothing wrong with saying hard luck!
Just learn to do it without the snigger.


  1. LOL. I sooo want to do lawn bowls but have never had the opportunity! I'm not sure I want to do it now that I have read your post ... they make it look easy in "Crackerjack" ... did you take an old pair of undies with you to shine up the ball? Maybe that is the secret ...

  2. *grin*
    I love the idea of the undies. I am put off lawn bowls by the age of the people who play even though I am that age too!! However, out at Paddington Bowling Club, they have a most laid back approach to the game that encourages young folk to be involved - and helps them sell more beer.

    I have a Wii in my loungeroom and it has a game of 10 pins bowls on it which is fun too.

  3. Give up the lawn bowls and just stick with the beer I reckon...

  4. Maybe you need MORE beer next time!