04 December, 2009

Nasty Little Critters

I don't like spiders. They make me nervous with all those legs. So it was a nasty surprise when a particularly ugly spider fell out of the clothing I was folding this morning. Disturbingly it fell out of one of my bras. Just too close for comfort.

While I was trying to regain control of myself the spider raced across the floor looking for a dark place to hide, build a web and raise a family of ugly little junior spiders. Stirred into action by the thought of this, I raced to the kitchen looking for insect spray. As to be expected in an emergency there is never any insect spray to be found. Plan B: grab a plastic container and put it over the top of the spider to stop it from going anywhere. Having done this, courage failed me completely and I couldn't bring myself to carry the spider outside and release it to the wild. I am now typing away in the study while there is a spider doing circle work in one of my prize Tupperware Modular Mates. Every now and then I have a quick peek to see if it is still there (it is) and then I scurry off to hide in another room. Are you wondering why I just didn't dispatch the spider with a trusty shoe? There is one thing I dislike more that spiders and that is squished spiders. **shudder**.

I don't want you to think I'm a snivelling coward. Snakes don't scare me, I've been scuba diving with sharks more times than I can count and I have travelled to some pretty dangerous places in my time. I'm not scared of spiders – just nervous and uncomfortable. There is, however, one thing that scares me senseless and I am about to share with you one of my darkest secrets. I have never told anybody this before: I am scared of drains.

It hasn't always been this way. As a kid I could crawl in and out of a drain without the slightest fear. The deeper and darker the better. One day that changed. That was the day I saw IT.

IT is a movie based on a Stephen King novel. I'm not great watching horror movies at the best of times. I have a very active imagination and struggle to be able to tell myself “don't worry, it's not real”. I'm going to be very honest here and admit that IT scared me shitless.

I have loaded a short take from the film to try and explain this. I'm hoping it is the right video because I'm too scared to watch it and make sure.

The weird thing is this movie should have made me scared of clowns. Being scared of clowns is almost normal – they are pretty freaky. No, clowns don't bother me. They're just out of work actors who have reached a level where they will sell their dignity for food. Drains chill me to the core. I only have to look at them and I get a knot in my stomach. If I park my car next to one without realising, I have to find another parking space. I can't get out of the car and step over the drain – something could grab my ankle and drag me in or I could just fall in by myself (more likely considering how clumsy I am).

It has been quite cathartic sharing this with you. If you ever see me suddenly change direction and veer into the oncoming traffic while crossing the road, I'm not trying to kill myself. It's just I would prefer to take on a bus than step over the drain onto the footpath.

Other than this, I'm almost normal.

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