30 November, 2009

I Should Give Myself an Upper Cut.

I'm trying to focus on a job I hate doing, so it seems to be an appropriate time to distract myself with a blog. I should be typing up the minutes of a committee meeting I attended a couple weeks ago. A smart person would have done the minutes straight after the meeting when it was all fresh in her mind. It would have been done and out of the way. Obviously I'm not the afore mentioned smart person. The only reason I am forcing myself to type the damn thing up now is I realised today that next meeting is only days away.  I was filled with that same sense of panic I would get at school when I realised I had an exam that I forgot to study for. 

I'm going to try an experiment: while I'm typing up the minutes I'm going to add comments to my blog about what I am really thinking.

Section 1: Present/Apologies.
This is an interesting section. Heading the list of apologies is the Secretary and the Assistant Secretary which is how I got myself into this predicament in the first place. The meeting opened with the President asking “So, who is going to take the minutes?”. There was a moments silence and everybody was looking at me. In a blinding moment of clarity I realised … OH MY GOD …. I'm the only chick in the room … they expect me to do it. To my shame I capitulated. Without an argument I picked my pen, scrounged a few sheets of blank paper and with a gentle sigh said, “Looks like it's me”. I should give myself an upper cut.

Section 2: Correspondence
I have little to say about this section except you cannot include junk mail in incoming correspondence. Come on people, just because it gets shoved in the mail box it doesn't mean we have to acknowledge it's existence. I refuse to to take this section seriously and shall only make a feeble attempt at it.

Section 3: Matters Arising from the Previous Meeting.
Easy … cut and past everything that was carried forward the last meeting and carry it forward to the next meeting. I'm pretty sure we didn't actually do any of the stuff we should have done.

Section 4: Treasurers Report

Hello CPU … this is the keyboard speaking … We have a problem. We seem to have lost the operator.

Keyboard, this is the CPU … what do you mean you lost the operator? She was there a moment ago.

I don't know where she went … hang on … I've found her. She is under the desk in the foetal position. Can you send a message to the power board to give her a quick shock?


I'm back. Forgive me, I just had a quick nap. I don't think I want to talk about the Treasurers report.

Section 5: President's Report.
WOOHOO! El Presidente had been away for six weeks. No President's report. Thankyou God!!!!

Section 6: General Business
Last section. I'm almost done, except this is where I have my biggest problems. I failed to mentioned previously that I prepared myself for the arduous task of taking the minutes with a beer, several beers in fact. My handwriting which is normally dreadful has taken on a new life. It has amazing artistic merit, but I'm not convinced I was actually writing in English. It is reminiscent of Egyptian Hieroglyphics mixed with a bit of cave art. I'm pretty sure I see a buffalo in there.  Oh look, there's an alien as well ... cool!

Oh, sod it! I'm going to fill this section up with all the stuff I think we should be doing. I bet nobody else was listening to anything that was being discussed so nobody will know the difference.

And there you are Dear Reader, the minutes are finished. Thank you for keeping me amused during my darkest hour. In a final act of defiance, I refuse to do a spell check. Hopefully the litany of spelling mistakes should act as a warning to never ask me to do the sodden minutes again.